Flying to Rhode Island

extra leg room Sir?

US Airways average passenger is 3 foot 2 and has no legs; at least thats how they are envisaged by the aircraft designers who planned the seating on their planes. The 7 and a half hour flight from Manchester to Philadelphia didn’t start well as being 6 foot and actually having legs, I was going against US airways laws of human nature. I couldn’t actually put my legs on the floor straight and instead had to sit bow legged like I was straddling the seat in front like a static mechanical horse. Another sore point was the fact that my headphone connector was faulty and therefore to watch the film on the little TV screen in the ack of the seat, I had to connect the sound up to an alternate seat and the video to my seat meaning it was always very slightly out of sync and therefore unwatchable.

Not going well then.

The lady sat a few seats away started a conversation about visiting the US and I told her it was my first time and she then proceeded to tell me everything there was to know about Philadelphia even after I protested a few times that my destination was actually Rhode Island. She showed me pictures of her son who was selling his company to someone else and then working for them (few lies to Mummy there Junior?); she even got the pictures out. When the conversation turned to jet lag and how to avoid it, her advice was to stay awake as long as possible and she would slap me if it looked like I was going to fall asleep. To further provide evidence of this she gave me a quick slap across the face but unfortunately as she was wearing rings on each finger (slag hands), this actually hurt quite a bit and left a red mark. You escaped this time Missus, but next time I’ll give you a right hook.

Philadelphia Airport is less well organised than an idiot convention. Although the date probably poses a lot more security, no-one seemed to know what they were doing or where you should go. Should I retrieve luggage and check it back through, do I need to go through immigration etc. Eventually I managed to navigate my way onto the connecting flight with seconds to spare.

The second flight was marginally better, due to the fact it was only an hour and a half. I managed to avoid pouring scoldinig tea on the woman in front when she reclined the seat fully but this was due to my tiredness, not patience. I actually sniggered when she broke a nail getting her backs down from the overhead compartment.

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